Let's give em' somethin' to talk about
I know that everyone has these.
Do you know what I am talking about?
I cannot give an example because I know it will be used against me in some way. There are all of these memories and clashing wants and needs that are constantly clouding my brain. I wonder if other people have this going on too. There is this deep want for the past, not to do over, but to just be there again...for nostalgia or comfort or something. I love the present and look forward to the future. It is hard to separate past from present and future. To live in the present is a bad idea I think. I cannot shut off my past experiences and I really don't want to. It's like my secret place to go. I feel like at this point in my life, I kind of know where my life is headed and I like it. That doesn't stop me from thinking about all of the different pathways I could have taken, like relationships that I could have kept or educational decisions I have made, or even getting off of my lazy ass to pursue dreams. It's bittersweet for sure. I love my life right now. Could I have loved it even more on one of the other paths? I don't think I could, but I cannot help wondering.
Can you?
I constantly want to re-live my college days. I wouldn't change it (much) but oh to live that life again. Every summer I want to cry for all the summers as a kid I didn't fully appreciate having off. I think about friends I had and lost, family that have passed away. The past makes the present so I don't think we can ever shut it out. We can't live for the past but we live our lives now because of our past.
ReplyDeleteI think it's natural to wonder, what would have happened if I had stayed with Blah Blah, or taken X job instead of Y. Nothing wrong with that. If only life was one of those "Choose your own ending books"...and if you didn't like the ending you got you could go back to page 32 and make a different choice. Wouldn't that be great?
I think its natural to think "what if". Though it'd might drive you crazy after a while!
ReplyDeleteHazel xxx
Someone once told me "What if's aren't real"
ReplyDeleteThat's always stuck with me....
I used to also feel a big nostalgia for certain things in the past - or I would feel as though I had a lot of unfinished business. Honestly, the older I get, the more I am able to understand what it means to live in the present.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about the "what ifs" (although I do it too), concentrate on the "what nows"... You took the path you took for particular reason... whatever that reason is, I hope that it bring you lots of happiness...
ReplyDelete